How does it feel to be written off in someone else's reality? You'll probably never be able to tell unless you have done it yourself. I was once written off by a friend but that was a long time ago, it was way back in high school. I felt as if I needed to be the one to do something, to approach him and ask for us to work things out. He was a friend, a good friend. But he was the one who decided that he will never acknowledge my existence from that day on. The reason: I probably snapped at him, although I can't remember if it was that serious. I probably said something that irked him so much and maybe because of the pull of the moon, he took it quite seriously.

Anyway, I doesn't matter anymore because we haven't seen each other for more than 10 years now. I don't know how it feels now to be written off, to be acknowledged as non-existent, not to have an impact on somebody else's life but I am doing that to somebody. Ambivalence prevails over me. At one point, it is sad that I have reached this decision. But at the same time, I feel that primal instinct for survival necessitates that I take this course of action.

I am afraid to admit, but I might be severing my ties with them as slowly but smoothly as possible. As a friend advised me, we should try to do everything at least even for the first time. The question is how it is possible, when every single day, except weekends and when I am on leave or they are on leave, I see them and work with them. Ever since I decided to take this path, I have been placid. I can say that I am not totally at peace but the emotions that used to disturb me has never surfaced again.

Lately, I have got nothing much to say. I lost track of the path to mend the relationship. I am hesitating to open myself to a deeper relationship with them. I refuse to know anything about them and I haven't made any effort to reach out to them: I talk to them whenever its necessary but I don't want to if it requires being more than civil.

“Never explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn’t need it, and the one who dislikes you won’t believe it, & the one who doesn’t care about you won’t care what you say.”

People who knows, doesn't mind me doing this, which is good. If they are aware of this or not, I don't really give a damn anymore. Anyway, sooner or later, they will have to live with the fact that they have just been written off.

Justice

I feel as if a crime has been committed to me by no less than life itself. I was stunned to face what they call without fair warning. It befell on me like a meteor fell on earth; it hit the most random spot on earth; it hit me. I wanted to shout for justice; let them know how much they have let me suffer. But what injustice and who has done the injustice?

I'm not fine, I'm in pain

Its not right, not OK
Say the word it should say
Maybe we're better off this way?
Im not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way?
I'm not fine, not OK
Say the word it should say
Maybe were better off this way?
- Maroon 5, Better that we Break

Why is it that everytime I see you, I am reminded of the pain? Why does looking at you become an excruciating experience? I wish there is a way to escape this but there is none. I want to call out for justice, but what justice should be given? Her mere sight hurts me.

The last one standing

I turn to you now for I know of no other means of expressing my thoughts. YOU are now the sole and only companion in my predicament. I choose not to explain nor elaborate my thoughts to another soul for I’ve been hurt quite badly with their use of what they know about me.

I don’t want to complicate things even further by soliciting their opinions on my sentiments. What they know now is enough for them. Maybe I don’t need anyone but God at this point in my battle.

No one will be able to understand just how deep the cut was. No words of encouragement from anyone can keep the hurt from breaking me over and over again.

I cling on to hope that time will heal the wounds no matter how deep it was. For now, it is time to be still and silent.