hay!!!!
lecheng buhay to! Masakit na naman likod ko. FOrever na lang ako nasasakitan ng likod. Kung hindi ko kasi binuhat ung isang kahon ng notebooks di sana natutulog pa ko ngaun. Ang dami kong sakit sakit sa katawan. Hay, ang sakit talaga ng may scoliosis....
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
i love men....
I never dared tell anyone how i feel about them before. I was trapped in the belief that doing so is taboo in our culture because it is a sign of promiscuity. Or it gives the impression to many especially to the males that i am easy-to-get. FOr all intends and purposes, i think it still is taboo and it still elicits that kind of reaction from the males. But in a time when the world has started to open its eyes to different kinds of reality, where gays and lesbians slowly gain ground in the society, where women empowerment slowly finds its niche in the natural order of things and when individuality has been the common mantra of every living person, the secret that i have kept for so long can finally be set-free. It is a part of me that is screaming to come out because I have successfully supressed it.
Ironically, i think it really is not a big thing. Just like how so many others can appreciate and love the beauty of any other living being, be it plants, animals and the whole of MOther Nature, so do I find the beauty of men breathtakingly praiseworthy. I find genuine joy, unmatched by any other pleasure this world can offer, whenever i see them at their best. Those perfectly chiseled bodies, which moves with certain grace and stands in a different kind of aura, simply completes my day.
I will not pretend that this kind of attitude toward the species of the opposite does not bear some strains of concupiscence. But i know that beyond the imaginations I do have of them, this feeling is not merely because of the momentary pleasure i derive from their existence. It is a deep and profound appreciation of the unique beauty bestowed upon the male genus. If there are those who can innocently appreciate nature, I believe that loving men can also be regarded with the same reverence. I find it a rare gift to be able to recognize the beauty of men in its purest form.
I am now ready to make this known to the world. I have already suffered enough from keeping it to myself. After all, love is supposed to be shared.
I choose to love you.
I never dared tell anyone how i feel about them before. I was trapped in the belief that doing so is taboo in our culture because it is a sign of promiscuity. Or it gives the impression to many especially to the males that i am easy-to-get. FOr all intends and purposes, i think it still is taboo and it still elicits that kind of reaction from the males. But in a time when the world has started to open its eyes to different kinds of reality, where gays and lesbians slowly gain ground in the society, where women empowerment slowly finds its niche in the natural order of things and when individuality has been the common mantra of every living person, the secret that i have kept for so long can finally be set-free. It is a part of me that is screaming to come out because I have successfully supressed it.
Ironically, i think it really is not a big thing. Just like how so many others can appreciate and love the beauty of any other living being, be it plants, animals and the whole of MOther Nature, so do I find the beauty of men breathtakingly praiseworthy. I find genuine joy, unmatched by any other pleasure this world can offer, whenever i see them at their best. Those perfectly chiseled bodies, which moves with certain grace and stands in a different kind of aura, simply completes my day.
I will not pretend that this kind of attitude toward the species of the opposite does not bear some strains of concupiscence. But i know that beyond the imaginations I do have of them, this feeling is not merely because of the momentary pleasure i derive from their existence. It is a deep and profound appreciation of the unique beauty bestowed upon the male genus. If there are those who can innocently appreciate nature, I believe that loving men can also be regarded with the same reverence. I find it a rare gift to be able to recognize the beauty of men in its purest form.
I am now ready to make this known to the world. I have already suffered enough from keeping it to myself. After all, love is supposed to be shared.
I choose to love you.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
you can say that again....
i just had a txt conversation with a friend who happens to have a "heart" problem. She' s been ranting about this guy for almost a year now and she desperately wants to get the feeling over and out of her system. I cant help but remember when I was exactly in that same situation almost 3 years ago. I've fallen desperately "in-love" with this guy who happens to be a student of my dream school. The day we met was a blessed one. Just when i thought that i could not get over the guy who just broke my heart, here he comes suddenly, quietly taking his place in a secluded and protected place in my heart. Ever since, ive decided to love and fall for him. I didnt know the challenge i was about to face.
We were able to talk only for about 7 or 8 times over a span of three years. And mind you, those were the casual hi's and hello's simple acquiantances share with each other. Maybe to him, the sweet smiles i flash just dont mean anything but to me theyre smiles full effort, hoping and wishing that maybe he would realize that i possess the qualities he might be looking in his ideal girl. There was this one time when he gave me a baseball cap. Actually, it was more of, i asked him for it. He readily gave it to me. Hoping and praying that his gesture meant something. I frantically called every other guy friend i have who I know owns a baseball cap just to ask if it means anything. There wee those who made me feel like i was really up to something, and then those who rained on my parade, telling me that it was just a simple gesture of generosity. Oh well, i just ignored those who want to ruin the momentum i had. You can just imagine how high i was flying just thinking about how he feels about me. But holy gwakomoly!!!! I thought a part of me just died when i heard he was already in a relationship with this girl from the same school, who they say happens to look like me. Talk about some kind of irony. oh well, it took me almost 3 years before I can finally accept that i never really got his attention. But until now, i still think about him. The last time i heard something about him, a friend told me that he changed. From a completely timid and shy attitude, he is now more outgoing and more open. I was thinking, i could have done that to him. I could have been the one who brought out the best in him. But i am not that girl.
Until now, I still like him. I finally accepted the fact that maybe we were never really meant for each other. Maybe he was just God's way so that I could get over the guy who broke my heart for the first time. Looking back, i didnt regret that i fell strongly for him. I realize that no matter how much pain i bear that time, how much agony i suffered from the thought of him not liking me, it was still worth it to fall for him. At least, i had the chance to feel that way. I dont think it was really a martyr act but i guess i just had to experience that. Im proud of myself because i know choosing to fall for somebody knowing that you might never receive anything in return is a courageous thing to do. It did hurt. BIG TIME. but i learned so many things from that experience.
I told my friend that shes not alone. SO many others suffered the same fate she is going thru right now. I told her to enjoy it. But i guess she really is having a hard time accepting her predicament. She said it hurts, it really hurts. The only thing keeping her from going insane is the thought of her leaving the country to pursue higher studies abroad. yeah right, drown yourself outside with all the distractions that this world can offer. And find out soon that the feeling has never gone away. You just delayed your agony. You just prolonged that sickening feeling. Itll never go away unless you face it. Unless you accept that you love him but you can do no more. It will hurt, BIG TIME.
if only i can do something...... just like what i did for her back in thailand.
"hi zak, pansinin mo naman si anna...." hayyyyyyyyyyyyy....
life...and love...... they hurt...BIG TIME.... i can say that again..... BIG TIME
if i were you anna..... throw yourself to this feeling. Let it engulf you and eat you. And then when you finally faced the ghost hunting you.... look at it intently in the eye and then let it go.
im just here.... wait lang.
i just had a txt conversation with a friend who happens to have a "heart" problem. She' s been ranting about this guy for almost a year now and she desperately wants to get the feeling over and out of her system. I cant help but remember when I was exactly in that same situation almost 3 years ago. I've fallen desperately "in-love" with this guy who happens to be a student of my dream school. The day we met was a blessed one. Just when i thought that i could not get over the guy who just broke my heart, here he comes suddenly, quietly taking his place in a secluded and protected place in my heart. Ever since, ive decided to love and fall for him. I didnt know the challenge i was about to face.
We were able to talk only for about 7 or 8 times over a span of three years. And mind you, those were the casual hi's and hello's simple acquiantances share with each other. Maybe to him, the sweet smiles i flash just dont mean anything but to me theyre smiles full effort, hoping and wishing that maybe he would realize that i possess the qualities he might be looking in his ideal girl. There was this one time when he gave me a baseball cap. Actually, it was more of, i asked him for it. He readily gave it to me. Hoping and praying that his gesture meant something. I frantically called every other guy friend i have who I know owns a baseball cap just to ask if it means anything. There wee those who made me feel like i was really up to something, and then those who rained on my parade, telling me that it was just a simple gesture of generosity. Oh well, i just ignored those who want to ruin the momentum i had. You can just imagine how high i was flying just thinking about how he feels about me. But holy gwakomoly!!!! I thought a part of me just died when i heard he was already in a relationship with this girl from the same school, who they say happens to look like me. Talk about some kind of irony. oh well, it took me almost 3 years before I can finally accept that i never really got his attention. But until now, i still think about him. The last time i heard something about him, a friend told me that he changed. From a completely timid and shy attitude, he is now more outgoing and more open. I was thinking, i could have done that to him. I could have been the one who brought out the best in him. But i am not that girl.
Until now, I still like him. I finally accepted the fact that maybe we were never really meant for each other. Maybe he was just God's way so that I could get over the guy who broke my heart for the first time. Looking back, i didnt regret that i fell strongly for him. I realize that no matter how much pain i bear that time, how much agony i suffered from the thought of him not liking me, it was still worth it to fall for him. At least, i had the chance to feel that way. I dont think it was really a martyr act but i guess i just had to experience that. Im proud of myself because i know choosing to fall for somebody knowing that you might never receive anything in return is a courageous thing to do. It did hurt. BIG TIME. but i learned so many things from that experience.
I told my friend that shes not alone. SO many others suffered the same fate she is going thru right now. I told her to enjoy it. But i guess she really is having a hard time accepting her predicament. She said it hurts, it really hurts. The only thing keeping her from going insane is the thought of her leaving the country to pursue higher studies abroad. yeah right, drown yourself outside with all the distractions that this world can offer. And find out soon that the feeling has never gone away. You just delayed your agony. You just prolonged that sickening feeling. Itll never go away unless you face it. Unless you accept that you love him but you can do no more. It will hurt, BIG TIME.
if only i can do something...... just like what i did for her back in thailand.
"hi zak, pansinin mo naman si anna...." hayyyyyyyyyyyyy....
life...and love...... they hurt...BIG TIME.... i can say that again..... BIG TIME
if i were you anna..... throw yourself to this feeling. Let it engulf you and eat you. And then when you finally faced the ghost hunting you.... look at it intently in the eye and then let it go.
im just here.... wait lang.
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