There goes my crush..

I felt good that I got to revive to life my gloomy heart from a stupid heartache because someone else has taken the place of my once-object-of-affection. I didn't want to admit it at first but yeah, he caught my attention. I think I'm drawn to the seemingly shy, silent, and serious type - everything which I am not. This is another testimony to the worn-out statement, "opposites attract" - of course, this applies to me only, as I am the only one drawn to him. I was very curious of him and I was always excited to know that I'll get to see him again every time we have an activity.

I got to know him even better because our encounters became more frequent, with this I am happy. I was even delighted to know that he'll be joining us in our trip down under, a decision which I think was made at the very last minute. I realized that he is not the serious type I thought he was. He's funny; he can deliver a few jokes every once in a while but still he acts like the Big brother to most of us though he's younger than me. Only three of my colleagues from the same group knows how I feel towards him, two my good lady friends and the significant half of one of those two. There is a fourth one but I'm not sure if she still thinks that I have this crush on her good friend.

So there I was almost perpetually on cloud nine during the whole trip. Our conversations made me admire him more. I thought it was nice until we came back here. Our group was solidly bonded coming from a great trip and so we tried to organize regular dinners together. Until one day, one of my friends called me to break the news that finally marked the end of my happy days.

She called and told me that he asked her out. Period. I don't even want to remember that bit in our conversation. The first line was enough. She told me the first person that crossed her mind was me. And yes, she is one of those 3 or 4 who knew about the affection. I had to be nice not because she's my friend but because he's just my crush and I don't have a say at all whoever he likes to like. Its funny though looking back at it because it made me shed a tear. . It was then that I slowly realized that I was not aware that whenever I like someone, I have this propensity to take it seriously, which is really my downfall. I bruise because of my own stupidities.

I want to believe that I have learned my lesson , if not, I am learning it now. This reminded of a painful past I wish I'll forever forget but one that I'll always learn from. If history cannot help but repeat itself, may it never be that past in my life. I don't want to lose a friend anymore.

I am now sober. And I can look at anyone I like knowing full well that what I hope to have is something they cannot give me. And finally that's ok with me.